I am a fool.

To get my hopes up so, when I've taught myself not to, trained myself not to... it was stupid.  I actually believed you when you said you were different, that you would try to understand.

That you would never lead me on.

And now I'm left here, sitting on my damn bed, barely able to move for crying's worth, because of you.  Dammit, I thought you were different.  It seemed apparent that you cared, that you listened, that you gave a damn.  

That you wanted to be with me.

..what a joke.

It's been a week, and all you can get the nerve to say to me is "How are things?" How are things?!  How the hell do you think they are?

I've woken up crying, more times than I've ever done in my life, because I dream about you, and dammit, I wake up with a hole in my heart every damn morning.

I flip on my music, and what do I think about? You.  Yes, you.  All of it reminds me of you, because we have such similar tastes, God, how can we be so fucking similar?

You said you wanted to make things better, to make it so I'd never have to cry alone, and hell if you're not making me cry on my own now.  It's all.  Your.  Fault.
And I promised you that I'd never use my tears against you, since I knew that a woman's tears was a weakness for you.

I didn't want to manipulate you in any way, because dammit, I liked you.  I wanted to be close to you, to actually touch you.
And hell if you didn't ruin that one.  Asshole.

You won't even tell me what's wrong.  I've asked.  Many times.  I don't understand it.  If I've done something, at least give me the common courtesy to say, "Hey, you're being a bitch."  Or whatever it is, I don't know.

I don't even know what I could have done wrong.

And here I am, left in the dust.
Again.
My paranoia is taking over.  
Again.
And it's all because of you.



You said I could trust you, and that you were different.
I believed it.
Oh, God, how I believed it.